Those of you who know me, know that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and take on more than I should which of course can send me into a spiral. I am not afraid to say it out loud cause well we all have problems in one way or another and deal with things differently.
I have always had issues with depression in one way or another and it's taken me a long time to get where I am today while fighting it tooth and nail. I used to believe that all the things going wrong in my life were my fault and that I had all the power to change it but just didn't know how. So once I moved to Coppell, I was on the road to make a better me...a better Dani. I knew it would be a slow and sometimes a hard process...a year later I am almost where I want to be. It's been a rough one to say the least, full of heart ache, frustration, let downs, health issues, and so much more. So many times I wanted to just give up...just yell at the top of my lungs "i give up! I want no more!" I had and have so many who were there for me through the happy times...the sad times...even the "i give up" times and I am forever appreciative of that.
Recently I had a trip to the doctor and out of concern and my history, a long string (or what seemed long) of tests were ensued. MRI..check and normal, EKG..check and normal, EEG...check and normal, boobie...check and normal Ultrasound...check and found a couple of cysts. Of all things to "help"...birth control. Seriously? Ok, guess we'll give it a go. So a month later....my depression came back with a vengeance I am fighting it the best I can considering I may have a few more months of this before it will possibly even out again. The worst part of all this is that my depression tends to take over and the next thing I know...everything makes me upset, irritable, and I withdraw from others.
Why am I saying all of this?
Well because I have seen myself pulling away from others and I am afraid it will hurt my relationship with them. I don't want that...they are in my life and vice versa for a reason and I fully believe that reason is to help each other when in need. They are my rocks in this crazy world and my crazy day to day I call life.
Why would anyone care?
This is where some would say it doesn't matter what others think or if they care...well to the few and far between of people in my life, it matters alot. I rely on them to help me when I fall..or fall from grace and make mistakes...that's what friends do and I would hope those who are in my life, feel the same way about me being in their life.
I am far from perfect but in their eyes...I am perfect with a bit of character. Thank you for sticking by me when my "character" takes over and for being understanding.
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