Well well...

it's time to eat my words....i GOT THE JOB!  I will officially be a permanent employee making more pay with guaranteed overtime and still be close to home on December 13th...I'm really excited about this new adventure.  Now I have to stick with my goal and start taking better care of myself.  Here's to staying motivated.

On another note, last week was a little weird for me in the aspect of my mood and slight depression.  Even with the great news of the job, I was questioning my marriage and whether I still wanted to make things work.  We went through a rough patch at the beginning of the year and I thought we were on the right path to making things work.  I still have my days.  I have issues I need to work on but I also know that as a couple WE have things to work on.  I have always thought that if there are problems in a relationship, you should work on yourself before you are able to work on the relationship....is that really true?  Does concentrating on your needs instead of the needs as a couple really help?  I don't want to wake up on another 4th of July (there's a story there..but later) and realize that this is not where I want to be, that I wasted more time on something that should have walked away from long ago.  I love my husband with out a doubt, that's why I'm still here trying with my all my might, so why am I having these feelings?

I guess another question is...is anyone out there to begin with reading this? lol

Why do we need titles?

I can never think of titles that fit my random thoughts lol

Anyway...I'm making a new goal for myself.  I had an interview today for a permanent job (that is still close to home) and  it went really well!  They said I should know something in about two weeks what their plan is..either to hire me or they found someone else.  So i have decided that when (trying to stay positive) they hire me, I am going starting an overhaul of myself.  I'm going to start eating better, exercising more, and just getting myself in better shape and loose this so called "happy" weight I have gained.  Its something I've really needed to do but just can't get motivated to do it.  So I figure a new job is just the thing to kick me into gear.

Praying for good thing to come my way!

Its nice to know....

that the guilty admit they are guilty instead of wasting tax payers money.  A drunk driver accident my husband and I witness is suppose to stand trial this week but has already pleaded guilty...YAY!

Dallas News: Lewisville man pleads guilty in DWI case

Lazy...

Every once in awhile its wonderful to have a weekend where the only thing that has to be done is making a run to the pet store for crickets.  Life is good right now. 

I hope everyone had a great weekend and fell back into Daylight Savings with ease.  Good nite!

Testing.....testing 1 2 3

Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry

All I can say is...

The Texas Rangers are going to the WORLD SERIES!!!!  The first time in franchise history they have made it!!!

Forgiveness?...

At what point do you give forgiveness?

In January of 1992 by brother was killed by a drunk driver. He was 17, graduating in June, enlisted in the service and scheduled for boot camp. He had just dropped off his girlfriend and was on his way home. He stopped at the intersection and as he crossed over, a van going over 50mph hits his passenger side..killing him instantly. To get a better idea of the speed, the van that hit him flipped end over end and broke a tree branch more than 25ft from the ground. The driver walks away with minor injuries while my brother lay dead. No chance to walk away and recover. My brother was laid to rest with a service burial and gun salute. We later find out that the man who was driving was involved in a drug bust and the police had supplied with the money to by the drinks. The police knew he was drunk but only told him to go sleep it off in his van but failed to take his keys away. He felt the bad guys were coming after him and took off, drunk, in his van. Which brings us back to how my brother was killed.

Back then the maximum sentence for intoxicated manslaughter was only 4yrs. So he was sentenced to 4yrs and nothing more. Lets go even further into the irony of this....my brothers name was David....the drivers name....David Hite. How does someone like him live everyday waking up knowing that he killed another human being?

So here's my original question....at what point do you give forgiveness? My mom was able to give forgiveness to this man stating that he helped her and my dad sue the city and the state for their irresponsibility and owned up to his mistake. Also saying that if you do not forgive it will eat you up inside until you do. Even after all these years I have yet to find the forgiveness for him in my heart. He took away something I held so dear....my brother, my hero. I still cry on the anniversary of his death and on his birthday (and just about every other time I think of him) remembering the good times we had and seeing his smile in mind. It never gets easier..in fact my memories of him seem to get dimmer and dimmer...scares me to think that after so many years all I will have left are pictures to remind me.

This poem is always on my mind when I think of my brother David....

Little Girl Lost

by Tiffany D Goodwin

February 27, 1989

There once was a little girl

Who began to weep

From having a nightmare

She cried herself to sleep

She dreamed of her brother

Not so long ago

He was loved very much

She cried, in a tone, so low

Her eyes held back tears

For she had to be strong

She knew this ordeal

Would take much too long

She was thinking to herself

My heart is like an open door

Heartbreak comes in

Oh, I want no more

She'll always remember him

And the things that he has done

For, to her, his love

Is as broght as the sun

He is now with God

An eternal friend

A walk with the Lord

Will never end

My follow up...

was a complete waste...just in my opinion.  I know the drill I needed to go for peace of mind but I already had that after a few days of being back to myself.  I took my meds for all of 3 days instead of the 15days, but I to.  I wasn't myself.  I was falling asleep at work, my balance was off, and it felt like the one wrong step and my balance would pull me to the floor.  So I stopped.  The doctor reviewed my CT scan, did some reflex tests, checked my eyes, and asked me what happened.  I gave her my story and she concluded the same thing I was already thinking....it was a isolated seizure.  I agreed to come back should I black out or have another seizure.

So there you have it...I'm healthy.

I didnt forget.....

Its been a busy 2 weeks since Labor Day and let me tell you...I'm beat!

Lets start with the run around of trying to get health assistance for my follow up with a neurologist.  I would ask why is it that you have to be extremely poor (as in $500/mo for a family of 4) or homeless to get the help...or that you have to stand in line at the county hospital just to get one office visit?  It would be stupid to ask knowing the governments policy on health assistance.  When I was pregnant with both my boys I felt fortunate to get Medicaid for myself and them but I was working...I was TRYING.  Then when I go in for my "re-evaluation" of benefits, I see women and children in the office with name brand clothing, gold jewelry out the ying yang, and designer purses or shoes.  I think to myself...here i am struggling every day to make ends meet and here they are living the life because they are welfare....*sigh*  ok I'm off my box of complaining...it would be a LONG debate if I kept going...lol.  On the flip side I was able to gather up the money just for the first office visit and now have an appointment next week.  So we'll see how it goes.

This week has been really busy with work, we just started the conversion of accounts to our company and have been working none stop and getting OT to boot, hopefully it doesn't wear me out and result in another health scare.  Along with my appointment next week I have another interview with an awesome company and I have to say I am nervous!  Its not the interview itself, but the fact I am interviewing with not just one person face to face...but 2!  Never done that before so its a little nerve racking.

So there's my catch up for the last 2 weeks! whew!  Nite all!!

Happy Labor Day!

I hope everyone had a great weekend, for us it was busy as usual and this next is about to be even busier with my youngest son playing his very first game of football.  Very exciting time!

Started the weekend off with some great garage sales in the old part of town.  I'm always amazed by the originality of the construction.  There were bungalows mixed in with craftmans all the way to big beautiful homes you would see on a Georgia plantation.  Just beautiful.  We drove the neighbor going from sale to sale and every house had its own unique style that none of them looked the same.  Now a days most homes are cookie cutter with no originality, so Saturday was definitely a treat for me.  Not to mention I got some really great deals.  I bought new dining room chairs (new to us), metal vase, beautiful red overnight bag (you'll find out I have an obsession with red and back), my son a scooter all for the low low price of $20!  I was very happy!

Any who the rest of the weekend was filled with our house party, a BBQ at a friends to celebrate their recent wedding and then today full of relaxation!

Tomorrow is a new day and new week, so I hope everyone had a great weekend and stayed safe!

Scary...

This weekend started out normal, but ended well scary.

Hubby and I had gone out Saturday night and since I was driving I literally had one drink and 3 jello shots then drank water the rest of the night until we left at 1am.  I went to sleep about 3am and it was off to dream land.

Sunday I woke up to the dog barking and my leg gave out and down to the floor I went.  My ankle was hurting and the next thing I know I'm over come with a heaviness and sweats.  Then my husband and yelling at me to wake up and asking his friend to call 911.  I was sweating something aweful!  Apprantly I had blacked out and had a seizure.  You know the eyes rolling back and my toungue was sticking out.  He got me presentable before the perimedics arrived because I could barely tell what was going on.

I'm taken to the hospital where I'm pumped up with fluids, taken for a CAT scan and blood taken for testing.  Sugar level was fine, my blood pressure was low and I was dehydrated (remember the night before I had drank nothing but water...at least 4-5 bottles).  By the end of the night my blood pressure was back to normal, they had hydrated me, and all my tests came back normal.  Now they pump me up with 1000mg of Kepra (anti-seizure meds), restrict me from driving and 2 days off from work until I get clearance from a Neurologist.

Great....all of this with no insurance.  How am I going to do this?!  So there it is.  I'm ok now and feel almost normal, but i'm scared at the same time because trying to figure out how to afford the Neurologist and the tests they are going need to do plus knowing that this is not something I can shrug off.  I'm sure its nothing since the CAT scan came back fine, but what if this happens again...what if the next time is worse?

So much to think about.....

Progress...( very long)

The last 5 days have not only been eventful but emotional....school is back in session.  I typically have more upbeat things going on but I wanted to use this blog as an outlet for my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, happiness, and sadness.  Whatever is happening in my life at the time.

Thursday was Teacher night at the boys school so I left work early to pick up the boys and head there so I could basically drive almost 2hrs (with traffic) for this, which I happily do for my boys.  The boys are in middle this year and oh my goodness the place was crazy!  Kids and parents all over trying to find the classrooms.  With so many people there it took us almost 2hrs just to find them, introduce ourselves and fill out a Sign-in form for each class *sigh*  Then it was off to the Gym for the Athletics meeting (that we didn't attend..lol)  We exchanged supplies and the kids were off with there dad.  Then it was off to mom's to help her with some things since she had foot surgery.  Reaching home about 9, I was ready to pass out!

Friday came with avengance!  Left work (in the Dallas area mind you) drove to the other side of town near Fort Worth for a quick meeting then to back to mom's area to meet a friend so I could pick up some things from her and then to mom's again.  Phew!  Made home by 10pm.

Saturday was no different from the last few days.  Got up early to get a little me time in which was too short, then off to mom's for errands.  Finished those and then it was more school shopping, which had it own twists and turns, driving from here to there.  Back to mom's afterwards to drop some other things off, and finally....home.

By then I couldn't do anymore and just wanted to get home.  Sunday was going to be my day to relax and do absolutely nothing.  It worked.  Nothing had to be done, I didn't go anywhere but to Walgreen's for milk.  My mission had been accomplished!

So when yesterday morning came....it all hit me like a ton of bricks.  My boys, the ones who lived with me until they were 9 & 10yrs old, the ones who would climb into Grandma's bed cause it was comfy, the ones who gave me kisses for no reason, were now in 7th grade and in middle school.  Their first day of middle school, their first day of 7th grade....their first day and I was missing it.  I was a part of so many firsts and it still affects me the same way no matter what.  I wanted so much to the "embarrassing" mom just so I can see them on their first day.  I called them to wish them good luck on their first day and asked their dad to please send me a picture.  I see the first picture..cute of course....I see the second one....I start to tear up.  It was a picture of them walking away from their dad and into the school.  I felt like they were walking away from me....they are growing faster them I am ready for them to, but I know that is the way it goes.  You cant stop them from growing and becoming more independent.  I finished my moment and went on my way to work.

Today was no different.  It started with a text from the ex.  "Thay both...make me so proud.." (yes he has horrible spelling) with another following "5am football"  Forgot to mention my youngest is in football this year and has never played but that's what he wanted.  So while I was in a good and happy mood, I reply "Sucks to be you...let me know if he has a scrimmage I can go to"   We have a sarcastic but understanding type of "ex to ex" relationship.  Then the tears start coming...just another thing to remind they are growing up and I'm missing alot by being so far from them.  I try to go to as many meetings, conferences, events, etc as I can but it never seems to be enough.  I know they know I love them and would do anything for them, but it doesn't change the sadness that sometimes comes over me.

Ok so there it is...my busy and emotional 5days.  Let me tell you I am glad they are over, well at least the emotional part.  This weekend is relaxing and spending time with my boys!

Have a great week everyone!

My next quest...

Learning Photography ...I found this website that was quite interesting and will definitely read up on it so I can get better pictures with my camera. Mom has a wedding she will be taking pictures of and invited me with her to help. Should be interesting to say the least..lol.  I've always been interested and would really like to get into photography now that I have a great starter camera and maybe if I get enough experience, I just might be able to make a side job out of it...who knows!

What qualifies...

someone as a "good" or "bad" parent?

I read a post regarding the MTV show "Teen Mom" (which I watch almost regularly) and the person said she was basically appalled by this teen mom.  Stating that some one should call Child Protective Services on this mom.  Here's the situation:
The mom had decided to sell her car on Craigslist and was scammed out of $3000 by one of those requesting the car be shipped.  So in the midst of talking with her banker and the wire transfer company to work things out, she had left the room.  During that time (which the way it was aired seemed like less than a minute, who knows), her baby had fallen off the bed to which she ran to immediately.  There was another incident where the tub water was too hot and (in the commenter's reply to said poster) said she had burned the baby.

Being that I have been in the single parent scene of trying to raise my own 2 boys, I can really understand exactly where this mom is at and the stresses that come along with doing things on your own.  Granted she has the opportunity to make amends with her family and regain that support every single parent needs, but feels she can not due to the situation.  She provides a home, food, clothing, etc and most importantly love.  Sure along the way there will bumps and bruises, and there will be sadness but there will also be happiness.

The camera crew and producers see more than what is aired on the actual shows.  So don't you think that if the baby was in ANY kind of danger of abuse, the proper authorities would be called?  I would like to believe that any logical person would.

I have always thought, in my opinion, that people without children do not fully understand the daily struggles parents go through, but that is not really truthful.  In reality...it may lie more with one's opinions.  What I may think as nothing to worry about, the next person could think it is something to worry about.  My ex husband is my case in point...for every cut, bruise, and illness...he want to rush them to the ER or blame me for it.

So my question is again...what qualifies some one as a good or bad parent?

Teen Mom (Season 2) Ep. 5 'Secrets & Lies': "Catelynn and Tyler find their romance back on the rocks when Catelynn reveals another lie, and a big fight makes Amber question her engagement to Gary. Maci's boyfriend meets Bentley for the first time, and Farrah falls victim to a scam."

Ahhh....a mini-vacay!

This past weekend was a jam packed one!  I drove to Corpus Christi with mom and the boys for a mini-vacay that was much needed.  We left Friday afternoon and almost 8hrs later we arrived in Corpus! 

(our first stop on the way)

The humidity knocked us over as soon as we got out of the car but regardless we were happy to be there.  After getting up to the room I made a quick run to Whataburger for our late night snack before heading to bed.  We needed our rest because the next day was packed full of "to-do's".  Of course my oldest was up and ready to go at 8am!  Our plan was to be down stairs for the buffet breakfast by 9am...we almost made it..lol.

(notice the lump in the roll-away...lol)

So off to breakfast and backup to the room for our day packs and then off to the Texas State Aquarium!  We got there about 10ish and the place was practically empty...perfect!  No crowds, no shoving, no rude people walking in front of our pictures..lol.

(my youngest..Donovan aka Bubba)

I was really impressed with the aquarium, everything was laid out well for an easy walk through flow.  Lots of hands on to be able to touch the water life in the exhibits.  We did a green screen picture that was kinda fun (will post that later).  I can't say enough so I'll let the pictures tell the experience!  So as we're leaving i see a line going out the door, and point it out to mom...as we get closer I realize the line is not only out the door but through the main walk entrance and down the side.  The line had to have been at least a 30min or longer wait just to get to the door!  I was soo glad we got there early!  We headed down to look for some lunch and found a little "whole in the wall" kinda local place and relaxed a little before heading out again for souvenir shopping.  The shopping was done and it was back to the hotel to get ready for the beach!  The hotel told about the State Park beach and said its a clean and less crowded beach to visit, so off we went for a short 30min drive to the park.  He was definitely right about this...quiet, not as crowded and easy to get to.  We enjoyed a few hours of sun bathing, swimming and crab "snorkeling"...

(Only my boys would figure out how to snorkel without the snorkel...lol)

It only took a few hours to realize it was time for dinner!  It had been a long day and we needed food!  So off we go again in search of food!  We found a great little place downtown called City Diner which wasn't half bad, yet another local goodie.  Back to the hotel for much needed rest before heading back to Dallas the next morning.  We headed back Sunday and the drive was yet again horrible, stop and go for no apparent reason.  Once I hit "some" open road I goosed it up to 100mph just to get some time back....got a whole 17min shaved off our ETA to mom's house.

At the end of the drive (less than 5min from mom's), navigation said eta was 6:58pm...the kids were laughing all the way yelling "red light! red light!"  I tried to tell them i would make it...sure enough 6:58:05pm i pulled the car in the drive.  David was saying that it didn't count because it had been past that time...but we argued it was still 6:58 for 59sec before it didn't count...lol.

All in all it was great trip with a few bumps and aggravations but it just wouldn't be a vacation with that.  signing off for now!

Aerosmith totally ROCKS!!

So i'm a little behind on posting but I have a great excuse....vacation!  This past Tuesday was the Aerosmith/Blue October concert at Superpages Center in Dallas.  I went with my friends Shelly, Cathy, and her sister, let me tell you it...was....AWESOME!  I like Blue October but they didnt impress me much in concert but I still like them regardless lol.  Aerosmith puts on a really great show.  We were so close it was great!

We rocked to every song and sang along...all the while sweating like crazy.  I probably drank more than my daily requirement..lol.  My HS friend, Kim, was there with Tim and lucky him was interviewing the drumer Joey AND they were sitting in the 4th row!  Also found Reggie, Cindy, Shery, Amanda and Logan up in the lawn section and got caught up on the latest happenings.  I miss hanging out with them, Reggie is like a big brother to me.  It was definitely a great nite! 

What a weekend...

I had planned to only pick up one of the boys but as they pull up both of them come jumping out...what a treat!  We spent Friday night just relaxing and watching movies. 

Saturday we went grocery shopping and bought our new vacuum...which proceeded to break after only vacuuming the floors twice within the 2hrs after buying it.  We had an unexpected house party with our friends and had some great fun till the wee hours of 3am..lol.  Lots of food, enough to feed an army!  Pork chops, chicken, steaks, mac and cheese, pasta salad and veggies....yummy!

Sunday we saw the Karate Kid movie...good movie.  It was a remake but alot of the events in the movie were just like the original so I was a little disappointed but over all it was good.

Texas heat is in full force, this past weekend gave us heat in the triple digits and today was no different...some posted pictures of their dash gauge showing 116 & 108...not fun!  Mine was showing 106!

That's all for now...tomorrow is the Aerosmith concert with Blue October!

He's official...

The email was sent out yesterday, he's officially supervisor!  Now if I could just get the hours and get hired on perm we'll be set!  Found out yesterday our team is moving locations temporarily until the new building is complete around April.  A little sad just because in the short time I've really gotten to know some great people and now I'm moving where I don't know anyone but my team...fun times!

Well I'm off for now, this weekend is my mother in laws 60th b-day so pictures will follow soon!

Yeah baby!

Last week was was the bearer of GREAT news and the good news just keeps coming.  Bill told me that his boss finally told him that he has the paperwork to make him Supervisor.  It just has to be signed and would be signed..sealed...and delivered by the end of the month!  Oh wait that's THIS week!!

I have to say, we have been truly blessed that everything is really falling in to place.  No if we could just get the kids home everything would be perfect...well as perfect as can be lol

Night all!

Ahh Friday night lights...

Last night was Big Will's (FIL) 64th birthday and we helped him celebrate by having a night out at the local VFW.  Great times were definitely had!  There was a group of four that came in to play music and basically did Kareoke to Old Country (50's & 60's) singing some great Loretta Lynn and Patsy Cline songs.  Bill and I watched as his parents danced to the song they got engaged to, "Walk through this world with me"...it was a magical night.  I asked Bill, "Can you imagine us 42yrs from now being together like your parents?", he replies "That would make us how old?" "About 74 I think"  "Baby I don't think I'll make it to that age"  We both just laughed (inside joke).

Good news!

So today started out like any other day...until I got to work. 

Just to give a little back ground, at the end of February I quit my job of 3.5yrs.  I had had enough of the drama, the worry of losing my job due to layoffs, and major frustration of being placed in a position I knew nothing about let alone trained properly for over a course of 5 months.  With the support of my husband, I went into work that faithful day on Feb 26th torn at what to do.  Continue working there with no appreciation of what I had accomplished, no thanks for the hard work and hours put in and just being...well kicked around like i didn't matter orrrr say "Forget this job, I am better and worth more than this!"?  So as we're combining our team and moving desks, I made the decision.  I moved my desk and left my personal belongings packed.  Typed a straight to the point email and hit send!  Grabbed my belongings and walked out to go to lunch...never to return again.  It was scary yet liberating to know I was standing up for what I believed to be a just cause.  I was saying to my employer "You can't treat me this way and act like nothing is wrong in your organization or procedures.  I was worth more!"

Fast forward to yesterday.  After interviewing for a position I felt I was the perfect fit for and was my dream job with my dream pay only to be turned down, I decided to touch base with my agency and see if there were any openings with in the same company I working at now.  I was told nothing and asked if I spoke to the On site Agency Mgr yet.  Of course I had not because I did not want to limit myself to just one company.  So today I go into my part-time job like any other day to do my work and being thankful I have a job of some kind.  I open my email and see my messages, one of them being from my On site Staffing Manager titled "New Position".  I'm thinking that's odd, so I open it only to read that they had a new position for me and wanted to know if I would accept.  Excitedly I asked, "Full time hours?"  She quickly responds, "Yes, with a great opportunity of becoming perm"...I was ECSTATIC!  I hurriedly replied "ABSOLUTELY!" of course copied my husband so he could read the great news.

So the new position starts Monday, and luckily I am still within the same team and will be able to work with some of the people I have already gotten know while working there.  I can not tell you how happy I am and thankful to be given this opportunity, not to mention that I feel appreciated that the work I do is noticed and someone sees my potential.  Its one of the most wonderful feelings a person could ever have.  My husband has supported me the whole time knowing I was worth more and encouraged me to take the steps needed to better myself and step up in my career.  Thank you baby for everything!

So that's my good news for the day!