I'm still working out my inner thoughts of how my marriage is going and have yet been able to get him to understand just what i'm feeling. We are still disconnected and yet can put a great united front around friends and family. I feel like there's no outlet for me, so I use FB and I get "scorned" for it because I post too much about my personal life. Since when is it your place to tell me what I can and can not say about my life? If I didn't want anyone to know something I wouldn't post it..i would keep it to myself. Anyways. I try not to feel resentment towards him but how can you not when nothing he does makes you feel like he wants you whether intimately or even just as his spouse? Its like living with a person you have a mad crush on but yet they never acknowledge you even exist to them. I have tried so much, in the best way i know how, that I have finally given up. I can't go on living like i'm happy when deep inside I'm not. I've lost myself and who I am. I "think" i feel more like me when I am around my friends...MY friends...the ones I hardly see anymore because his friends and plans come first. I want MY life back and I want MY friends back in my life and I want MY inner self to be happy again. I WILL make it happen...as soon as possible, little by little.
My job has taken a turn for possibly the better. We had someone leave and I have taken over their responsibilities and it has taken me from not so busy to uber busy...yup my favorite word...uber! I have taken on a lot and I guess you could say I am the go to person for at least 2 of the major things our team deals with. Its a lot to take on considering I am still new to it and do not know all the ins and outs but I am getting there! The boss really utilizes me for questions and taking the reins on it and I tell ya, that feels damn good! I want to move up in the company and to some this may be a small stepping stone...but for me its always a big one because I have done it in such a short time. I guess that is one of my strengths in my work history...give the time and opportunities to excel and I will. I will take it on and roll with it. I am hoping that if things keep going this way I might just be able to make it. Course it helps that after my one year review I got a raise...nothing to write home about but it was something...and the fact out of team of 15, I was in the top 3 and got a score of 4 out of 5...loving it!
I have also decided that one way to get "back to me" is to start working on my photography hobby. I have done sessions with my girlfriend Josey and her kids (my god kids), one my girls from work, my best friend and her girls, and then just recently a family session. I was so excited to get the opportunity and very happy they all enjoyed their photos! I post some below (bragging rights about myself...lol). I plan to take a few classes that will cover mostly the basics and how to use my camera (more for the extra features it has) and I can not wait! The first class is really how to take a regular point/shoot digital camera and make everyday pictures better. Which is good because even though mine is just that and not a DSLR (my dream camera), its a few steps below a DSLR as far as features. So that will help me tremendously! The second class is more in depth, and covers more of the fundamentals of photography and how to take better pictures (like ISO settings and such) That sounded smart huh? I still have no clue how the ISO stuff works...but I am going to learn!
So there you have it! I got you all caught up and if you are still reading this at this point...I am still smoke free! I am back to boot camp and trying to eat healthy. I have about 45lbs I want to loose but I know it will take time now that I am getting older..lol. So until next time, here are some photos I took for you to enjoy!
