Fell off

This past weekend I fell off the wagon.  I had been struggling to stay on and after all of this past week's events, I fell right off on my butt.  I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes.  I finished the pack and starting tomorrow, I am back on the wagon.  I think I did pretty darn good for quitting cold turkey.  But alas, I have to start the counting all over again.

Hope everyone's weekend was a good one!

Happiness

Where's my happiness?  I lost it a long time ago and still have yet to find it.  I try to find the good things in life and stay positive but that's really hard to do when you feel knocked down by one thing or another everyday.

We still have our issues that go unresolved day after day that ends with one of us throwing ours hands up and walking away.  I've made my mind up..I know what I want, yet it seems so far away.  Like everyday it gets farther and farther away.  I want to speak up and say everything that is on my mind but I know that will only make things worse.  I know I am just cheating myself by staying silent but what else is there to do until I find the courage to speak out.

Once before I was in this situation and it only took waking up to realize it.  Why cant it happen again?  Make it happen like pulling off a band aid....painful yet quick.

My previous post Mean - Pink really describes me...how i'm feeling and how I see things in this moment.

Mean - Pink

"Mean" - Pink

You use to hold the door for me
Now you can't wait to leave
You use to send me flowers if
You fucked up in my dreams
I use to make you laugh
With all the silly shit I did
Now you roll your eyes and
Walk away and shake your head

When the spark has gone and the candles are out
And the song is done and there's no more sound
Whispers turn to yelling and I'm thinking

[Chorus:]
How do we get so mean? How do we just move on?
How do you feel in the morning
When it comes and everythings undone?
Is it 'cause we wanna be free? Well that's not me.
Normally I'm so strong
I just can't wake up on the floor
Like a thousand times before
Knowing that forever won't be

I'm always sentimental when I think of how it was
When love was sweet and new and we just couldn't get enough
The shower, it reminds me you'd undress me with your eyes
And now you never touch me and you tell me that you're tired

You know it gets so sad when it all goes bad
And all you think about is all the fun you've had
And all those "sorry"'s ain't never gonna mean a thing

[Chorus]

I know we said some things that we can never take back
It's like a train wreck trying to hit the right track
We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe
But we should've drank it down while it was still sweet
It all goes bad eventually

Now do we stay together 'cause we're scared to be alone
We got so used to this abuse it kind of feels like home
But my baby I just really wanna know oh.

[Chorus x2] 

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/pink/mean.html