Just another day in my crazy life

Those of you who know me, know that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and take on more than I should which of course can send me into a spiral.  I am not afraid to say it out loud cause well we all have problems in one way or another and deal with things differently.  

I have always had issues with depression in one way or another and it's taken me a long time to get where I am today while fighting it tooth and nail.  I used to believe that all the things going wrong in my life were my fault and that I had all the power to change it but just didn't know how.  So once I moved to Coppell, I was on the road to make a better me...a better Dani.  I knew it would be a slow and sometimes a hard process...a year later I am almost where I want to be.  It's been a rough one to say the least, full of heart ache, frustration, let downs, health issues, and so much more.  So many times I wanted to just give up...just yell at the top of my lungs "i give up!  I want no more!"  I had and have so many who were there for me through the happy times...the sad times...even the "i give up" times and I am forever appreciative of that.

Recently I had a trip to the doctor and out of concern and my history, a long string (or what seemed long) of tests were ensued.  MRI..check and normal, EKG..check and normal, EEG...check and normal, boobie...check and normal  Ultrasound...check and found a couple of cysts.  Of all things to "help"...birth control.  Seriously? Ok, guess we'll give it a go. So a month later....my depression came back with a vengeance   I am fighting it the best I can considering I may have a few more months of this before it will possibly even out again.  The worst part of all this is that my depression tends to take over and the next thing I know...everything makes me upset, irritable, and I withdraw from others.

Why am I saying all of this?

Well because I have seen myself pulling away from others and I am afraid it will hurt my relationship with them.  I don't want that...they are in my life and vice versa for a reason and I fully believe that reason is to help each other when in need.  They are my rocks in this crazy world and my crazy day to day I call life.

Why would anyone care?
This is where some would say it doesn't matter what others think or if they care...well to the few and far between of people in my life, it matters alot.  I rely on them to help me when I fall..or fall from grace and make mistakes...that's what friends do and I would hope those who are in my life, feel the same way about me being in their life.

I am far from perfect but in their eyes...I am perfect with a bit of character.  Thank you for sticking by me when my "character" takes over and for being understanding.

Short but sweet..

I seem to have extra baggage surrounding me an it's time to see what stays an what goes...it started last night an will continue until only the necessities are left..whether emotional or materialistic. It's like i went to sleep an had a revelation in sleep. Haha

Anyway...have a great Friday!

Long day..

But very productive! Got a lot of work done, sold some items on craigslist, and now enjoying my evening with my god kids for my god daughters birthday! She's 10yrs old today and it seems like just yesterday she was a 4yr old tomboy an running naked through the house haha. Now she's a sassy girl who loves the girly stuff but still has some tomboy in her.

Love you Elana!!

A new beginning...

Too many times (more than I care to list) I can remember how easy it is to rant about the negative things going on in my life.  The hard part....remembering how many times I have raved about the GOOD things in my life.  So instead of waiting waiting until Thanksgiving, I am going to start now.  Maybe..just maybe...raving about the good in my life will move the negative on the back burner and make them easier to deal with.

So I am starting today.  My good thing(s) for today...although I overslept this morning I was able to make it work on time and early I might add, got right to work and accomplished quiet a bit today before leaving early.  I had my EEG testing today and was actually relaxed regardless of what the results may be.  It's one thing I have been worried about but today I felt as ease and was glad to get it out of the way.

My neurologist diagnosed me as having Vasovagal Syncope or a fancy term for "fainting spells".  It doesn't happen often but it also makes me aware just how important my health is not only for myself, but also for my boys.  I want to get back to the gym and work on my health that way as well.  I felt sooo much better when I was working out.

Anywho, that's my good thing(s) for the day!

Do over...

I fell off the darn wagon again and well I just caught up with it last week.  Thankfully I haven't fallen off since and I'm hanging on for dear life!  A lot...and I do mean A LOT has happened.  Just a quick run down with out dragging it all down..lol

In March I finally had the courage to tell my husband that I although I loved him, I wasn't in love with him and was unhappy in our marriage.  I did my best to explain to him my feelings and thoughts, letting him know that it was too late to "fix" things and that a temporary fix was not an option.  We both struggled for weeks and he hoped I would change my mind but it wasn't going to happen.  I had made up my mind this was what I needed to get back to me...back to the me that used to be happy.  He seemed to have accepted the fact.  I found an apartment and moved out Memorial day weekend.  (seems to be a pattern and irony here..i'll explain later another post perhaps).

So in the process of moving I hurt my knee and thankfully had some great friends to help me and I was able to nurse my knee back to normal.  No clue how it happened but I live on the second floor and going down the stairs was painful!

Anywho....the Tuesday after I moved I get into a car accident and got rear-ended..not fun I tell ya!

See what I mean?....and I was stopped at the light.  Anyways, long and short of it.  My spine got twisted at the neck, and instead of my spine being curved at the neck it is straight...

www.garygreen.me

So in effort to fix it, the Chiropractor suggested I come in for adjustments 3 times a week.  Eesh!  So to be sure I am not doing more harm than good, I went to see my regular doctor.  I gave them the ex-rays, and they of course examined me.  They Rx muscle relaxers to help and glad to have them as they help when I need them most and do not need them everyday.  So now I not only have the Chiropractor to see I have to go back in to the regular doctor for a follow up on that visit and go back again for a follow up from my first visit to see him and then my lab work.  So I guess you can say I am going to have the chance to really get to know my doctors over the next month or so lol.

An being back on the wagon I think is the reason I got sick and fighting a horrible cough and chest congestion...so all the more reason to stay away from the cigarettes!

So I guess that is it for now!  I will post pictures of the new place soon...still have a lot of boxes around and I am not quite "set-up" yet. Maybe a sneak peek....

hahahaha....you thought I was going to post it...this is my front door ;)

Good nite for now!!