Decisions...

Part I

Some are easy and some are just down right difficult.  Everyday I make the easy decision to get up and go to work and to raise my kids the best I can.  However everyday I struggle with the decision to either stay in my marriage and make it work or to walk away knowing that I tried.

We started out with one of those stories that most dream of... childhood sweethearts who loose touch and 20yrs later we meet again and get married.  Our first year together was rough and emotional but we made it through.  Things were alright for two more years and we (or really maybe just me) have been struggling ever since.  I'm worn down and really feel that is why I struggle everyday.

I feel like I'm alone in this marriage, we're room-mates that just happen to sleep in the same bed.  We have separate lives, things we are invited to as a couple he goes to with out me just because the kids are home instead of declining the invite.  When I plan things with the kids; he stays home.  I can't talk to him the way I want to..the way I need to.

(it took me 2 hours to write this first part because my thoughts are so scrambled)

Part II

So the past weekend, I didn't necessarily have a epiphany or awaking of what I wanted to do but more of a talk with one of my girlfriends about the situation at hand.  Through the talking and the spilling of my thoughts I realized...I have had my answer to my solution all this time.  That deep down I knew and know what I want.  So I am going to act upon it and move forward until my mission is complete.

When the time is right I will reveal the mission but until then its top secret :)

ps...totally on another subject.  But when did it become the Man's position to tell his wife when to leave a job and when to stay?  Granted I havent been at my job for a year yet..BUT since I started so much has changed and its just a job now.  I don't enjoy it as much anymore.  So if you were not happy at your current job, and had an oppotunity with a great company and a chance for more money as well...would you at least look into it??