After my last post I felt myself shutting down, emptiness filling me, and just not caring anymore. We had a big fight recently, late in the night, that I just felt I could not get passed. Hurtful things were said and the fight I used to have was gone. All I could do was sit there and not say a word. I had lost my voice and just went numb. I didn't want to fight with him anymore; I just wanted it to end. The tears start to well up. We get home and he keeps on going..and going into the early morning. So needless to say it was a sleepless night for me.
Over the next two weeks my feelings didn't change (still have those feelings), I was in a major rut that I couldn't get out of. I don't know if he could see the emptiness in my eyes or what (probably the combination of it all), but he changed. The affection was coming back, the consideration, all the things that I loved about him. I don't know how long it will last but I still have that part of me wanting things to work out. We attended a wedding this past weekend and to my amazement he was a complete gentleman. Holding my hand, helping me in and out of the car, escorting me around, it was nice. Unfortunately I wasn't really there...my thoughts were somewhere else when they should have been there with him. I'm trying to come back, to find myself, but I know it will be a slow process. Until then....I will keep on trying.
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